Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
