Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
