Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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