you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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