you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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