I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
