we have officially lost it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
