I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
