I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
