I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
