Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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