Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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