just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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