I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
