I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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