You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
