whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Houston, we have a squirter
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
