i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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