Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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