Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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