I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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