i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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