Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Boobs speak an international language.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
