The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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