I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
