I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
