we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
