Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
