There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
