WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
