he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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