Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
