My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
