I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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