yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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