please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
