marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If that was your dad, he is hot
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he was CRYING into my vagina
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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