Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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