My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
