ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
