Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
