Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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