She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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