My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
