went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
