who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
