She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
