If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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