D3 body, D1 cock
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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