Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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