I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
whose parrot is this?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
