ADVERTISEMENT

• (512): View more from Texas

  were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.

  Fav 2 2229 1330

  share tweet
  

• (212): View more from New York

  i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack

  Fav 32 1678 5085

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (864): View more from South Carolina

  idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro

  Fav 8 4109 1096

  share tweet
  

• (905): View more from Ontario

  ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care

  Fav 13 3215 1234

  share tweet
  

• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..

  Fav 8 1318 2317

  share tweet
  

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.

  Fav 12 4266 1306

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (831): View more from California

  i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila

  Fav 8 1811 842

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?

  (518): View more from New York

  Its called bad cop laid cop.

  Fav 9 4239 1023

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.

  Fav 2 976 547

  share tweet
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.

  Fav 0 755 774

  share tweet
  

• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate

  Fav 1 695 519

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste

  Fav 2 1068 519

  share tweet
  

• (806): View more from Texas

  Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways

  Fav 3 444 318

  share tweet
  

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.

  Fav 0 11 32

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (815): View more from Illinois

  My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).

  Fav 0 108 26

  share tweet
  

Randomize