she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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