I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
