actually, I'm a sock model
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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