when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think a kid would responsible me up
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
