Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
