this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
